Yaakov Endears Himself to Esav

Rabbi Israel Chait

Transcribed by a student

[Jacob justly purchased the birthright from Esav. He later followed his mother’s prophetically-directed instructions to obtain the birthright blessings from Isaac. At that time, in response, Esav wished to kill Jacob. Under the guise of disdain for Hittite women, Rivkah cunningly coerced Isaac to send Jacob to Betuel in Paden Aram for his own protection from Esav. Decades later, Jacob, his two wives, two concubines and eleven sons were approached by Esav and his four hundred men. To protect he and his family, Jacob prepared a gift [a bribe] of many animal herds, he prayed, and he prepared for battle, should it come to that.]

How did Jacob fool Esav [to believe in his brotherly love] with his delivered present of the herds? Esav was brilliant and there is no reason to assume that his mind was inferior to Jacob’s. If you marbeh sedra [read the weekly parsha] you will know the answer. Jacob communicated the following to Esav:

I have acquired cattle, asses, sheep, and male and female slaves; and I send this message to my lord in the hope of gaining your favor. (Gen. 32:6)

Chazal say that whenever there was a need to interact [politically] with the other nations [government officials], they would first review this Torah portion to learn how to appease them. On the words “in the hope of gaining your favor,” Rashi comments:

For I am at peace with you and seek your friendship.

Jacob won-over Esav because he expressed a desire for a close, intimate relationship with Esav as a person. He did not merely buy him off with the animals; Esav was no fool, and the gift of animals alone would have failed. To successfully appease someone, one must impress upon the individual, “It is you who I want.” Jacob performed an amazing feat; he displayed great psychological insight. He made Esav feel that all he had done during his life until now was performed in order to spend time with Esav. Jacob told Esav, “I stayed with Laban and I was delayed until now” (Gen. 32:4). From what was Jacob delayed? “From meeting with you Esav.” In other words, Jacob said, “I am sorry I am late; I had to work for Laban for 20 years, but now I am here to spend time with you Esav.” What is the proof that Jacob was successful? Esav responded to Jacob saying, “Let us travel together” (Gen. 33:12). Jacob replied:

My lord knows that the children are frail and that the flocks and herds, which are nursing, are a care to me; if they are driven hard a single day, all the flocks will die. Let my lord go on ahead of his servant, while I travel slowly, at the pace of the cattle before me and at the pace of the children, until I come to my lord in Seir. (Gen. 33:13,14)

At that moment, Jacob was able to convince Esav that the valued him personally. This assuaged Esav. The gifts that Jacob sent were meaningless alone, but here they functioned as a framework in which Jacob could impress his desire for Esav.