The Ideal and the Absolute

Rabbi Reuven Mann

Parshat Chayei Sarah tells the story of Yitzchak’s marriage. After acquiring the Cave of Machpeilah and burying Sarah there, Avraham attended to the major concern of selecting a wife for Yitzchak. Avraham was fully focused on the future of the religious movement he had created. Yitzchak was to be his successor, and to be successful, he would require a worthy partner, in the mold of Sarah, working alongside him.

The Mission for Yitzchak's Bride

Avraham was not confident that Canaanite women were suitable for this task. He instructed his servant Eliezer, whose wisdom and integrity he greatly respected, to return to Charan, whence Avraham had come, and to seek a Shidduch (marriage partner) there.

This, of course, was no simple challenge. It was especially difficult because Avraham insisted that the woman would have to separate from her family and resettle in Canaan to live with Yitzchak there.

Eliezer pressed Avraham on this point. He asked: if he found the right woman, but she could not see her way to leaving her homeland, should he then bring Yitzchak to her?

Avraham was adamant. Under no circumstances was his son to leave Canaan. Avraham was very confident that Divine Providence would assist Eliezer in his mission, but, “If the maiden should not agree to follow you, then you shall be acquitted of this oath; only do not return my son there” (Bereishit 24:8).

If that were to happen, Eliezer would be in the clear—but where would a wife for Yitzchak come from? There is a dispute among the commentators about this point. Rashi says that Eliezer would then be allowed to choose a woman from the daughters of Aner, Eshkol, and Mamrei (allies of Avraham in the land of Canaan).

Not all of the authorities agree with Rashi. Other commentators interpret the verse to mean that it was “all or nothing.” According to them, Avraham staked everything on the hope that the right girl would be found in Charan and that she could be persuaded to move to Canaan.

Rashi’s position requires elucidation. According to his understanding, Avraham held two seemingly disparate attitudes. Regarding Yitzchak leaving Canaan, there was to be no compromise. Under no circumstances—even if it meant losing the “match”—could he go.

Interpreting Avraham's Resolve: Rashi and Beyond

However, insofar as the initial exclusion of Canaanite women, there was room for maneuver. At first, he was to seek out prospects in Charan. However, if that should prove unattainable, he would be free to choose a lady closer to home.

We must ask: why was there flexibility on this matter, but none whatsoever on the imperative of Yitzchak remaining in Canaan?

People confront two distinct types of challenges in life. Some go to the essence of our being and call on us to respond in an “absolute” manner, while others, equally challenging, require a different approach.

For example, while in general, in order to save a life, we are required to violate the laws of the Torah—even Shabbat and Yom Kippur—there are exceptional cases where we are called upon to sacrifice our lives “for the sake of Heaven.”

We would not be here today if it weren’t for countless Jews throughout the ages who put everything on the line for the survival of Torah. The Jews are an eternal people because, in the words of Rav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik, “our history [has been] sanctified by the martyrdom of millions” (Tradition, Spring/Summer 1964, “Confrontation,” Section 3, p. 25).

Avraham did not flinch from the challenge of sacrificing his “only” son on the altar of the Akeidah (Binding of Isaac). So too, his descendant Mordechai would neither “kneel nor bow” to a wicked ruler who claimed divinity (Megillat Esther 3:2).

However, another great virtue that finds equal emphasis in Judaism is compromise.

Yaakov Avinu (our forefather) exemplifies this ideal. He desired to marry Rachel and valued her so much that seven years of labor did not seem like an exorbitant “price to pay.” He fulfilled all his obligations and attended the wedding party arranged by Lavan. Then came morning, “and behold, she was Leah” (Bereishit 29:25). His hopes were shattered, and all his exertions were seemingly in vain.

Lavan now proposed to “honor” his commitment in exchange for another seven years of work. This arrangement was not what Yaakov had envisioned and was far from the ideal. However, he did not abandon the situation but chose to deal with it and make it work. He did not know then that Hashem’s plan—that he would be the progenitor of the twelve tribes—would come about precisely in this manner.

Life confronts us with the Absolute and the Ideal. The former leaves no place for compromise; the latter demands that we be flexible.

The Absolute and the Ideal in Jewish Life

According to Rashi, Avraham told Eliezer that under no circumstances could Yitzchak abandon Canaan. His life’s work of expanding the religion of Avraham, winning new converts, and perpetuating the true knowledge of G-d was absolute and not subject to compromise—and it could only be fulfilled in Canaan.

The selection of a wife was a different matter. The ideal would be a woman from Charan, preferably from Avraham’s family. These people were on a higher moral and spiritual plane.

However, there was no guarantee that he could secure such a person. If that option did not materialize, Eliezer was to return home and find the best that was available in Canaan. Yitzchak would have to make the necessary adjustments, for this wasn’t the “perfect” arrangement, but with wisdom, patience, and flexibility, it could prove to be successful.

Lessons for Our Time

Many people accord the status of the Absolute to things that do not warrant it. They sacrifice their lives in pursuit of wealth, honor, and other overestimated objectives. At the same time, they display a lack of enthusiasm when it comes to matters of the utmost importance demonstrating greater concern for their property than for their bodily and psychological well-being.

They are excessively preoccupied with the state of their financial portfolio, despite the fact that ultimately all their worry and aggravation will yield no actual benefit.

But do they recognize the Absolute? Do they realize that life is short and there is not enough time for the things that truly matter?

How much time and energy are devoted to the pursuit of serious Torah knowledge and the perfection of our souls through genuine good deeds and the correction of defects?

We should all engage in honest introspection and conduct an inventory of the soul. We should determine how much of our efforts is dedicated to the attainment of fleeting and unnecessary things, and how much to that which facilitates perfection and brings us eternal bliss in the World to Come.

May Hashem grant us the wisdom to recognize what is absolutely vital in this life, along with the unyielding determination to acquire it.

May He grant us the strength to be unyielding when we are challenged by the Absolute, and the capacity for adjustment when the situation we find ourselves in is not “perfect,” but can become very good, if we approach it with maturity and wisdom.

Shabbat Shalom.