Thoughts 2025

Rabbi Moshe Ben-Chaim

The Secret to Peace

Rabbi Chama bar Pappa said, “With regard to any person who has grace about him, it is certain that he is God-fearing, as it is stated, ‘But the kindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear Him.’ When one sees that a certain individual is endowed with grace and kindness, one can be certain that he is a God-fearing person. (Sukkah 49b)

Grace refers to one who is liked by all others. What grants him such popularity? The gemara provides a clue: he is God-fearing. What is the function of this dynamic? 

One who fears God cares nothing about social concerns, as that is petty to him when compared to the Torah’s brilliance. Now, as he is unconcerned with his social status and public opinion, he does not compete with others, as most do. By not competing, others are not threatened by him, and thereby they feel safe and secure with their elevated self-image when around him. They like him, as he allows them to retain their egos. But had he bolstered his worth and his ego, and competed for greatness with them, friction and hatred is fostered, not grace. 

Thus, if you seek a life without friction from others, allow all others to be right, do not seek to have the last word, let others lead the conversation, and say only positive things. Don’t lie, but be silent if you have nothing complimentary to say. In this manner, you make no enemies, and your interactions with all others will be favorable. People, will welcome your company and you will attain a sterling reputation, and peace.

Torah’s Best Form: The Valiant Woman

Rabbi Elazar said, “What is the meaning of that which is written (Aishes Chayil), ‘She opens her mouth with wisdom, and a Torah of kindness is on her tongue’ (Proverbs 31:26)? Is there then, a Torah of kindness, and also a Torah that is not of kindness? Rather, a Torah studied for its own sake, that is a Torah of kindness. But Torah studied not for its own sake but for some ulterior motive, that is not a Torah of kindness. Another opinion says: Torah studied in order to teach others, that is a Torah of kindness. But Torah studied without the intent of teaching it to others, that is not Torah of kindness.” (Sukkah 49b)

Torah study is subject to personal distortion. The first definition of “Torah of kindness,” refers to kindness to yourself: you are kind to yourself when you study Torah in the proper manner, which is with no ulterior motive, due only to your curiosity. Only in this manner do you perform kindness to yourself. For if you study to boast your abundant knowledge, you do not study to appreciate God’s wisdom, but to fortify your ego. This reveals your insecurity with others, and the foolish need to seek human approval over God’s approval. And as your studies are not to seek truth, you cannot find it. You forfeit seeing the beauty of God’s wisdom.

Man’s perfection—and happiness—is measured by his attachment to truth. Ego is false, as the greatest of men testified: Moses said, “We are nothing.” King David said, “I am but a worm.” And Abraham said, “I am dust and ashes.” No matter how much a person learns, it is nothing compared to God’s knowledge. Furthermore, man is created, and not self-made. Therefore, he should know his place as a created thing, that exists only due to God's will. Once a person can accept his status, and he abandons focus on his ego, he's now prepared to question what is his purpose, as all God's creations must have great purpose. Through Torah study, one learns that God wants man to have the most blissful existence, and that is when he is not focused on the self, but when focused on wisdom. God designed man where his greatest satisfaction and fulfillment is when he uses his mind in the process of discovery of creation, and Torah ideas. Happiness is achieved when our attention is not focused inwards (on ourselves), but outwards towards studying God’s creations. The valiant woman embodies this attachment to “Torah of kindness,” living to discover God’s marvels in creation and Torah. 

The second definition of “Torah of kindness” is referring to kindness towards others. Thus, it is only when one learns Torah for the purpose of teaching others, that his Torah is referred to as a Torah of kindness. One must realize God created society, not a single person. Thus, God’s will is that the many exist, and that the many possess the good. Only when we study to teach do we attain that highest level of caring for all creations—not just for ourselves—a concern which we then share with God.