Finding a Mate
Moshe Ben-Chaim
Question: I have been davening for someone and he has davened for me for over a year and neither of us have been close to meeting our chosen. I have also been reading Tehillim.
Why? I thought 'H really wants the right people to be together.

Response: I read in the rishonim that YOUR prayer is the most important one. You should therefore daven for yourself. I also learned from a Rabbi that when one davens, one should present their prayer as a rational need-stating exactly what they need, and how they will benefit from G-d fulfilling such a need. And one may even demand that G-d satisfy that need.
You must take rational actions as well, meaning, get in touch with many people, attend functions, and the like. It will not just appear. Jacob took all measures necessary when Esav was approaching to kill him. He didn't just daven, but he prepared for war, and prepared a bribe. This way, Yaakov covered all fronts, military, psychological, and through G-d.
Most essential is that one has the right notion of G-d. Otherwise, one is praying to nothingness. It is essential that your concept of Hashem omits any notion that He partakes of any physical characteristic, He has no eyes, ears, hands, no body, no psyche, no laughter, short, anything human can safely be negatived in reference to G-d. If we have correct ideas of Him, we raise our level, and are more worthy of His involvement in our lives. This is a statement from Maimonides, and he relies on King David's words to prove this.
G-d is not physical, has no human features, does not occupy any space, is not "in heaven" or "on Earth".
G-d is perfect, He has always existed and always will. He is just, fair, and follows exact "rules" of what is right, as He outlined in the Torah. It is of most import that you understand and KNOW this, not just read it and accept. Knowledge is far different than actually committing to yourself what you hold as true. When something is 100% clear, then you follow through in action. This is how clear this idea must be to you.
Then pray to this G-d, the Creator of heaven and earth, and I hope he sees a husband as that which you need, and deserve, as He has placed you here with this need. It is only right that he provides for His creatures. Sarah desired a son, but it was withheld until she was 90. We don't always understand why G-d does what He does, but it must be just.
Look into your ways as well, as the talmud teaches that bad tidings come upon a person at times, as a means of teaching the person a lesson. Be introspective and see if there are any areas which you must do tshuva for.
May Hashem give you what is best.

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