The Purpose of Friendship Rivka Olenick     Yehoshua ben Perachiah said: "Provide yourself with a master; acquire for yourself a friend; and judge every person favorably." Pirkei Avos 1:6. What is the real purpose of friendship? How does one "acquire" a friend, as stated above? Acquire means to gain or get by one's own actions or efforts, to gain by means, which becomes permanent or inherent to the possessor. To earn, procure or obtain a friend, not to merely "make a friend." If a person doesn't acquire this friend easily then one should make a great effort to do so. Most of the friendships people "have" are those friendships that are based on mutual admiration. "You're my friend because you satisfy my ego and make me feel good." According to our Sages: "Do not establish friendship according to your nature; establish friendship according to your friend's nature." One should not cease accommodating oneself to the other person's nature until such a friendship has been established. Do not choose a convenient friendship, rather, look for a friend who can provide you with an opportunity for growth. This kind of friend will look for ways to help you and improve you in the ways of perfection that will bring you closer to God. A true friend will honestly and gently point out your weaknesses and your flaws. You will feel grateful because intuitively you know this friend is sincere and cares about your life.   Aristotle says: "Your friend is really yourself." Do not make the mistake in thinking that this means satisfying each other's ego. "I'll scratch your back and you scratch mine." It means that your friend is really yourself within the framework of the good that you want for yourself. What you want for yourself regarding the perfection of your personality, your emotional self as well as who you aspire to be in your philosophical self. This you genuinely want for yourself as well as for your friend. You and your friend identify with each other this way, philosophically and intellectually, which is the foundation of your friendship.   There are three types of friendship. One type is for a mutual benefit, one is for satisfaction and one is for the sake of a higher purpose. An example of friendship based on mutual benefit is that of two partners in business who have a mutual desire for financial gain. They are a partnership and have a goal that they will mutually benefit from, as the result of their paired efforts. Another type of friendship is the two friends, husband and wife, who grant each other satisfaction and trust during marriage. They can rely and depend on each other with the goal of raising their family to live the correct life and serve God. The close friendship of siblings or close friends, can also be for satisfaction as they can rely on each other and do not withhold anything. They are not worried that they will be shamed or embarrassed in private or public. Friends who trust each other genuinely will gain tremendous satisfaction from the friendship. They will get great benefit from talking together and sharing each other's company. A friendship that is established for the sake of a higher purpose is based on both parties who have an objective: wanting to do good. An example of this is a teacher and student, as each needs the other. In one unique and extraordinary example is that of all three kinds of friendship: "Sarah was not only Abraham's mate but his comrade as well. She was part of Abraham, not only as wife but as disciple and teacher. They exchanged roles from time to time. At times she used to sit at his feet, at others, he would sit at hers. Sarah was his collaborator and co-participant in all the great plans, hopes and visions. Together they discovered God; together they discovered a new morality; together they joined the covenant. Sarah and Abraham started the Masorah, the Tradition. Not only Abraham taught the people, but Sarah as well. 'Abraham would convert the men and Sarah the women' (Gen. Rabbah 39:14) Such a life of common suffering and common joy engenders love and deep friendship. Taken Wrom: XZOWCONEUQ Whirlwind by Rabbi Yosef Ber Soloveitchik.   From Horeb, Samson Raphael Hirsh states: "Avoid those whose actions are unjust and harsh, whose enjoyments are unholy and bestial, whose words are false and frivolous and make sport of holy things and the honour and peace of one's neighbor, whose morals are corrupt, whose nature is selfish, pleasure loving, unlovable and mean, or even just frivolous with no desire for the higher things in life, in whose idea of life you find everything except God and the fear of God and the love of God, the striving upwards towards God. Do not be blinded by someone's other attractions, evil knows how to cloak itself in wit and charm. Test a person before you call that person your friend."