- Sexual Drives
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- Rabbi Moshe Ben-Chaim
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- Reader: Why is it all sex-related behavior and thought are
completely prohibited outside of marriage? Isn't it dangerous to
practice repression in such an absolutist fashion? Won't the pent up
energies manifest themselves in some other negative way? I mean, look
at the whole Church scandal -- that certainly resulted from sexual
repression, and while the Torah doesn't require life-long chastity, it
does prohibit all sexual behavior and thought for at least an eight
year period (between puberty and the usual earliest age of marriage).
Is it because we men are so prone to sexual indulgence, that we can't
be trusted to even think about sex without the danger of actually
transgressing? Or is it because the thoughts themselves are harmful in
some way? Thank you for your time.
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- Mesora: The instincts are strong
for the reason that God wishes man to procreate. When procreation is
not feasible, repression is not the answer, as you have shown with
your example of the priests who become sexual offenders. Repression
does not satisfy the emotions, and emotional energies do not subside.
It is against nature and reason to use repression, attempting to
squelch that which keeps surging. However, reason dictates and nature
demands that the emotions find satisfaction. God's intent is that
these strong emotions route themselves towards wisdom where much
energy is required. Wisdom is the one area where man can successfully
satisfy his tremendous energies. As one progresses in his learning,
his energies redirect from the instincts, to the intellect.
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- It would be best if people married at young ages, as the Talmud
states about one person who married at age 15, "If I were married
at 14, I would have spit the Satan in the eye" meaning, younger
is better precisely for the reasons quoted. If a thought poses itself
to us, this is not something for which the Torah holds one
accountable. This is a case of "oh-nase", coercion.What's
damaging is purposeful imagination, or gazing at that which is
prohibited. This Torah reprimands one who gazes at even the small toe
of a woman lustfully. Here, man is missing his chance to engage his
intellect, but unfortunately, engages the emotions. The Rabbis also
said, "there is a small limb in man, if man satisfies it, it
becomes hungry, if he starves it, it becomes full." This means
that if man feeds the sexual drive, his lusts will increase, but if he
controls them, they will decrease. This is how the desires function by
design.
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- Man can control himself, we don't have to act. We can divert our
thoughts, and once we engage in learning, our energies remove from the
sexual. Sometimes it is more difficult than others. But with time, we
condition ourselves, and we even forget those thoughts that at times
preoccupied us.
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